Self-Sabotage: Why We Get in Our Own Way (And How to Stop)
By Lana Nycole
Have you ever felt like you were finally on track—eating healthier, applying for jobs, working on that passion project—only to suddenly stop for no real reason? Maybe you procrastinated until it was too late, convinced yourself you weren’t good enough, or got overwhelmed and gave up. That’s self-sabotage. And it happens to the best of us.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when we act against our own best interests, even when we know better. It can sound like that little voice that whispers, “This will never work out, so why bother?” It can take the form of a familiar cycle of destruction.
Self-sabotage can look like:
Procrastination – Waiting until the last minute (or never even getting started).
Perfectionism – Setting impossibly high standards and quitting when you can’t reach them.
Negative Self-Talk – Telling yourself you’re not smart, talented, or worthy enough.
Avoidance – Dodging responsibility, tough conversations, or opportunities that could help you grow.
Self-Destructive Habits – Overeating, overspending, or staying up too late when you know it’ll make you feel worse.
What Self-Sabotage Is Not
Self-sabotage isn’t the same as failure. Everyone fails—it’s how we learn. But failure is when we try and don’t succeed. Self-sabotage is when we don’t even give ourselves a real shot.
It’s also not just laziness or a lack of willpower. Most of the time, self-sabotage comes from fear, self-doubt, or unresolved emotions. Maybe deep down, you’re scared of success because it means stepping out of your comfort zone. Or, you’ve been told your whole life that you’re not good enough, so a part of you believes it. These aren’t flaws, they’re wounds. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that wounds need care, not criticism.
If self-sabotage is getting in the way of your goals, talking to someone can make all the difference. &Rise has a 10-week counseling program led by licensed counselors who specialize in anxiety, depression, mindfulness, and holistic practices. Together, you’ll create a custom plan to help you break free from self-sabotage and take back control of your life. Learn more and get started here.
How to Recognize Self-Sabotage
The tricky thing about self-sabotage is that it usually feels rational in the moment. Your brain will give you very convincing reasons why you shouldn’t send that email, start that project, or go after what you want.
Ask yourself:
Do I make excuses for why I can’t do something, even when I know it’s possible?
Do I start things but rarely finish them?
Do I put off my dreams because “the timing isn’t right”?
Do I avoid taking risks because I’m afraid of failing (or succeeding)?
Do I feel uncomfortable when things are going too well, like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop?
If you answered yes to any of these, self-sabotage might be at play.
How to Self-Promote Instead
The opposite of self-sabotage isn’t hustle or grind mode. It’s self-promotion—lifting yourself up instead of tearing yourself down. Here’s some ideas on how to switch up your thinking:
1. Call Yourself Out (With Love)
Notice when you're holding yourself back and ask, “Would I say this to a friend?” If the answer is no, then why say it to yourself? Self-awareness is step one.
2. Flip the Script
Instead of saying, “I’ll probably fail, so why try?” say, “I might succeed. And if I don’t, I’ll learn something valuable.” Your thoughts shape your actions so speak kindly to yourself.
3. Make It Easy to Win
Big goals can feel overwhelming, which makes it easy to avoid them. Instead, break them into tiny, winnable steps. Want to write a book? Start with a paragraph. Trying to work out? Stretch for five minutes. Small wins build momentum.
4. Expect Discomfort
Growth feels uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path, it means you’re stretching into something new. Instead of running from discomfort, take time to consider if it’s actually a sign of growth.
5. Create Safety for Yourself
If success feels scary, remind yourself that you are safe. Journal, meditate, or talk it out with someone who supports you. Change doesn’t have to happen all at once. Build trust with yourself little by little.
6. Find Support and Accountability
The good news is, you don’t have to do it alone. &Rise support groups provide a safe space to share struggles, celebrate wins, and stay accountable with others on a similar journey. Join a group today and surround yourself with people who lift you up.
7. Celebrate Your Wins (Especially the Small Ones!)
We’re so quick to beat ourselves up when we mess up, but do we celebrate when we do something right? Take a second to acknowledge your progress, even if it’s small. Progress is still progressing.
Self-sabotage doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. But you deserve better than a life spent getting in your own way. So be gentle with yourself. You’re not lazy. You’re not incapable. You’re just a person learning to get out of your own way. And that? That’s powerful.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If self-sabotage is holding you back, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Whether it’s one-on-one counseling, a support group, or simply reading and learning more, we’re here to help. Take your first step toward breaking free from self-sabotage and stepping into the life you deserve today.
