Ground Rules and Guidelines for Participating in Our Women’s Support Groups in Chicago
By Gia Han Nguyen
One thing we at &Rise are immensely grateful for is the strong bonds that people have in our women’s support groups, whether people meet virtually or in-person. We’re really glad that people show up, care and actively listen to each other, and provide all types of support. Not only can everyone get comfort from each other, but we can heal from our trauma as a community and build stronger relationships.
Sharing your experiences can seem scary, especially when previous people in your life have not allowed you to share or haven’t believed you. If you’re not used to getting vulnerable, it may feel awkward or shameful to share with other people what you’ve experienced. However, we want to reassure you that many of our people in support groups felt the same way. For example, you can read an amazing story from one of our support group attendees, Ciara, in her blog on the importance of community for survivors.
What you can expect from our support groups:
Patience - We understand that it can be nerve-wracking to share, so we give everyone time to get comfortable. Trauma is traumatic for a reason, so we let everyone process their pain at their own speed.
Accessibility - Some people cannot afford to receive help, which is why our whole work is focused on giving women and girls the help they need without financial strains. Donations are always welcome, but we do not pressure people into paying.
Community - We have different types of support groups to make sure that everyone knows they are not alone in what they experience. We have support groups for trauma, narcissistic abuse, chronic pain/illness and medical trauma, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and much more.
Now, let’s lay out some ground rules to ensure that you and everyone in our support groups get the best support possible.
1. Confidentiality first
Because we are a support group that shares sensitive information, we want to make sure that whatever is said stays in the space. Respect other people’s privacy by wearing headphones and having cameras on if you’re joining our virtual support groups. Keeping cameras on can ensure that everyone is present and active in making our groups a safe space. Maintaining confidentiality and not sharing sensitive information outside of support groups can help us make our groups a welcoming space for people to open up.
2. Be respectful
Our attendees come from different walks of life and have different opinions, whether that means they have different ways of coping or dealing with their own experiences. We might not always agree on different topics, but we can still remain respectful to each other to ensure our groups are helpful for everyone. To stay on topic and make our groups as effective as possible, we strongly encourage everyone to center conversations on personal growth and shared challenges. Respect can be seen in many ways, whether that means being an active listener, cheering for people’s success stories, or providing empathy for people when needed. When in our online support group, raising your hand before you speak can display respect for people’s time to talk.
3. Be aware of the language you use
Understand that our group is a space to heal and support, and using negative or offensive language can be triggering or upsetting for others to hear. Supportive language is always encouraged to ensure our space is welcoming for everyone to be heard and seen. Mental Health First Aid published a beautiful guide to knowing what supportive language looks like. We also refrain from making jokes about other people’s challenges; we do not want to downplay the problems and experiences that people had. We understand that joking about your own problems is a coping mechanism, but if someone else becomes uncomfortable, we will ask you to stop. If offensive language is constantly being used, we will prompt you to leave the group.
4. Promptness
Our group sessions will begin and end on time, so please join on time. That way, we respect each other’s time and avoid distractions. We get that there will be times you might not be able to join a session. All of our groups require registration on Eventbrite, so if you can’t make it, please cancel your ticket so another participant can join.
5. Support
We are here to support each other, so please expect support. That said, you can always let the group know if you just want to speak and you don’t want any feedback. If you do not feel supported or need to tell facilitators something in private, you are welcome to share anything you want to share through Zoom’s private chat feature to our facilitators. For in-person support groups, feel free to talk to our facilitators before or after group sessions. Your well-being is of utmost importance for us, so we want to ensure that you feel comfortable and supported in multiple ways.
6. No unsolicited advice
Even though your intentions might be in the right place to give advice, the point of support groups is to provide support and listen to each other. Unsolicited advice, like saying someone ‘should’ do an action, can be extremely demeaning and judgemental for the other person. Instead of assuming the person wants or needs advice, actively listen to the person or share similar personal experiences to reassure the other person that they are not alone. You may offer them an idea “as an option” or “something to consider” to avoid “should-ing.”
7. Share the air
Everyone is free to share and speak about what they want related to the topics we talk about. Because everyone has a turn, we want to make sure that everyone gets an opportunity to speak. When in one of our support groups, please be mindful of giving other people a chance to speak about their experiences and thoughts. This way, we can give support and comfort to everyone equally.
8. Inclusion
Our support groups' clientele are comprised of people who do not identify as a man, including cisgender and transgender women, cisgender and transgender girls, and non-binary people. Because of this, please be respectful of people’s pronouns and gender identity, regardless of opinions. Our space is to heal from trauma and pain, and that will be the focus and point of our groups.
9. Help yourself before others
We always love to see people within our support groups help other people within their communities. We encourage our community to connect outside of the group. However, there should be boundaries on how much you help others before helping yourself. Practicing kindness without boundaries will lead to exhaustion and discomfort, which can create further problems for everyone involved. Setting boundaries will lead to healthier connections and relationships. In cases where you might want to invite more people to our support groups without confirming attendance on Eventbrite, this can stress our facilitators and not give everyone in the group a chance to share their experiences. When going to support groups, make sure you have a ticket before confirming others have a ticket.
10. If you can, please donate!
We want to emphasize that this part is optional; our services have always been free and accessible for all women and girls. Extra funding, no matter how big or small, will always help us keep our services free and accessible. You can donate one-time or monthly, buy our merch, and so much more.
If this sounds like a lot, rest assured that we don’t expect anyone to be perfect. The structure and feel of a support group is pretty unique, and it takes some time to adjust to. Our facilitators are compassionate and great at giving gentle reminders to smooth things over. We always assume you have the best of intentions, and we only ask that you do your best out of respect for yourself and the other participants.
We hope to see you at one of our virtual or in-person groups soon!
Ready to RSVP to your first support group? We have at least nine groups that meet weekly, and we’re always adding more! Explore our groups and reserve your seat today.
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