Teen Dating Violence
What is Teen Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence occurs between two teenagers in an intimate relationship. Teen dating violence can happen in person or online and affects millions of teenagers each year. It includes four types of behavior:
Physical Violence
When someone hurts or attempts to hurt their partner by hitting or kicking them or using a different kind of physical force.
Sexual Violence
When a person forces or tries to force their partner to engage in a sex act, sexual touching, or non-physical sexual acts when their partner does not or cannot consent to the act.
Physical Aggression
When someone uses verbal or non-verbal communication with their partner with the intent to harm them or gain control over them mentally or emotionally.
Stalking
When a person gives repeated, unwanted attention and contact to their partner that creates fear and safety concerns for the victim or someone close to the victim.
Repeated texting or posting explicit photos of a partner without their consent are examples of how teen dating violence can occur online. Other behaviors such as teasing and name-calling can develop into abuse and severe forms of violence.
Many teens believe that these behaviors are a normal part of a relationship. They often avoid reporting unhealthy behaviors because they are afraid of opening up to friends and family.
Warning Signs
Even if your teenager is not ready to discuss abusive behaviors occurring in their relationship, there are signs you can look out for. Your teenager might be experiencing abuse in their relationship if they:
Show a lack of interest in once enjoyed or important activities
Receive excessive texts and other communication from their partner
Spend less time than usual with their family and friends
Are always worried about how their partner will react to them
Feel pressure from their partner to behave in a certain way
Make excuses for their partner's unhealthy behaviors
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Why It's Hard to Leave
It is hard to imagine why a teenager would stay in an abusive relationship, and even harder to watch someone you love experience abuse and not be able to end it. Knowing why it is difficult for teens to leave toxic relationships can help foster patience and understanding towards your loved one.
Relationships do not usually start with abuse or unhealthy behaviors. The beginning of a relationship is often characterized by the honeymoon phase when things are happy and light. As the relationship progresses, fights and unhealthy behaviors may start.
There are many reasons people might stay in unhealthy relationships, but they usually stay because there is hope that things will get better, their love for the other person, and a fear of leaving. Additionally, the abusers in the relationship often use minimization and blame tactics, which can confuse the victim and make it difficult for them to recognize unhealthy behaviors. The victims can also feel outside pressure to stay in the relationship.
Relationships like this can be terrifying and confusing for family members and other close loved ones. It is essential to understand that the teenager involved in the relationship is also experiencing various strong emotions. It ultimately needs to be the teen’s choice to leave the relationship, as pressuring them could make them more likely to stay in the relationship and avoid reaching out for help. The best thing anyone else can do is exhibit continued and unwavering support.
Statistics
Teens are slowly — and sometimes not so slowly — dipping their toes into the world of adult concerns.
One of those grown-up issues is dating and the violence that sometimes comes along with it.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence shares some disturbing data:
20.9% of female high school students and 13.4% of male high school students have been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.
35% of 10th graders have been physically or verbally abused.
10% of teens have been coerced to have sex on a date.
26% of teens in relationships had experienced cyber dating abuse; females were twice as likely to be abused.
57% of teens know someone who’s been sexually, verbally, or physically abused in a relationship.
Only one-third of dating abuse victims ever tell anyone about it.
Half of the teens who experienced rape or other dating violence admitted to attempting suicide (compared to 12.5% of nonabused girls and 5.4% of nonabused boys).
Unfortunately, the problem doesn’t go away in college:
43% of women experienced abuse at the hands of their dating partner.
More than 13% of college women say they’ve been stalked. Of that number, 42% were stalked by a boyfriend or an ex partner.
One in five women are sexually assaulted in college.
35% of attempted rapes are date rapes.
Stopping Teen Dating Violence
Domestic violence occurs most often among women between the ages of 18 to 24. To stem the tide of abuse, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) suggests pushing for policy changes and updates. They include:
Contacting local Congressional representatives and advocating for updates to the federal definition of domestic violence to include dating abuse and stalking.
Supporting laws and programs that create educational and counseling programs to better identify and prevent domestic violence.
Increasing funds for programs related to the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).
The NCADV also offers a kind of streamlined Civics 101 course. The course educates people on how to promote antiviolence legislation, gives information about people and organizations to contact, and provides more information.
Early Prevention is Key
According to the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, early prevention lowers the likelihood of dating violence.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention developed the Dating Matters program, which describes the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy teen relationships, shares statistics and examples of dating violence as well as red flags, and shows how to foster good connections and preveThe way teens date and experience relationships differs from adults. More teens experience abuse via or over social media, typically over posts and passwords.
Abusers resort to messenger and locator apps to monitor their partners’ whereabouts. Because some people — especially young people — practically live online, it’s all the harder to avoid an abusive partner if they constantly message or post about the victim.
Addressing why some kids stay in bad relationships is worth noting too. Some rationalize bad behaviors as signs of love; others stick around because their partner boosts their social status.
Signs of abuse include:
Isolation
Unexplained or unusual injuries
A lack of interest in once-enjoyed activities
Excuses for a partner’s bad behavior
It’s not just boy-girl problems, either; abuse happens in the LGBTQ community as well.
Teens and Drugs and Alcohol
Drugs and alcohol, when mixed with hormones and extreme emotions, do not make for a good cocktail at any age. Alcohol and drugs can make emotions harder to control, interfere with decision-making, and fuel impulsive behaviors.
Teens under the influence are more prone to jealousy, controlling behaviors, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.Victims of dating violence in turn are at greater risk for using drugs and alcohol to cope with abuse.
Programs to Stop the Cycle
Because violent relationships during the adolescent years can lead to other dangerous behaviors such as substance abuse, risky sexual activities, or more domestic violence later in life, programs are popping up nationwide to help put an end to abusive behaviors. Here’s a small sampling:
Alliance for HOPE International is a social change organization that works to create programs and strategies to do away with domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse, and more.
The Family Justice Center Alliance serves as a clearinghouse, research hub, and national affiliation organization to help communities worldwide develop their own family justice centers or similar models designed to help victims of domestic abuse.
The Justice Legal Network provides legal support to victims while helping attorneys build their own practices as they do pro bono casework for victims.
The Training Institute on Strangulation Prevention aims to crack down on strangulation crimes and helps medical professionals and law enforcement better identify cases where the victim may have been choked.
The Camp HOPE America program offers camping and mentoring opportunities for children of domestic violence situations.
A new YWCA program called GameChangers, based in eastern Tennessee, is designed to teach young men about sexual assault, domestic abuse, and consent, as well as how to step in when they witness it. The goal is to protect and respect via knowledge and awareness while fighting negative gender stereotypes.
WomenShelter of Long Beach hosted a half-day conference — Getting the Conversation Started — that teaches teens how to spot the warning signs of bad hookups and shows them how to remove themselves from such relationships.
Consider Texting for Help
In the heat of the moment it may be riskier to make a phone call and speak to a 911 operator, so texting may be safer. Some communities advise doing that, including after an assault (especially when the perpetrator is nearby).
Not all communities have this option, but for ones that do, victims can text 911 and ask for help. Text assistance differs from voice call assistance in that text messages do not display locations on dispatchers’ monitors. A simple and clear text mentioning the location is advised.
The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has a regularly updated list of areas that offer text-to-911 services. FCC regulations also require wireless carriers and other text messaging apps to deliver emergency texts to call centers that ask for them. If a call center requests text-to-911, the text message provider must implement the service within six months.
In some cases, victims have dialed 911 and instead of asking for help, they’ll ask for a pepperoni pizza. They do this because they don’t want their abusers to know that they’re calling and they fear possible retaliation from them.
Some emergency personnel, like in the Salt Lake City area, have been trained to treat such calls as potential calls for help. Operators can ask a few pointed questions that require only “yes” or “no” answers and dispatch help as needed.
Millions of people are victims of domestic violence every year. It is a crime that does not discriminate: young, old, white, black, wealthy, poor, men, women, members of the LGBTQ community– it affects all walks of life.
What these individuals have in common is abuse. The bruises may fade and the scars may heal — if the survivor is lucky — but many suffer poor health as a result of violence.
It may manifest as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), in resorting to drug and alcohol abuse, in broken bones, in sexual assault, in unwanted or unplanned pregnancies, or as sexually transmitted diseases. It also may result in loss of life.
Survivors are rarely the only ones affected, either. Families bear lasting wounds. Community resources are taxed when police, courts, and counselors devote endless hours to a recurring and ruthless problem.
To search for a shelter near you, visit DomesticShelters.org.
Support for Teens and Young Adults
Break the Cycle – Ages 12 to 24: Building healthy relationships
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline– Crisis hotline: 866a331a9474 or Text: LOVEIS to 22522
National Suicide Prevention Hotline – Crisis hotline: 800a273a8255; 888a628a9454 (en español)
National Sexual Assault Hotline – Crisis hotline: 800a656a4673
National Domestic Violence – Hotline: 800a799a7233
Communities Against Hate – Report an incident Get help at: 1-844-9-NO-HATE
Domestic Shelters – DomesticShelters.org
National Coalition of AntiViolence Programs (NCAVP)
Veto Violence – Tools, training, and prevention tips.
References
pbs.org – Origins of Violence Against Women
thehotline.org – Get the Facts & Figures
congress.gov – H.R. 1585 – Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2019
nij.ojp.gov – Overview of Intimate Partner Violence
breakthecycle.org – Learn About Dating Abuse
dvhrt.org – Domestic Violence High Risk Team
newyorker.com – A Raised Hand: Can A New Approach Curb Domestic Homicide?
ncdsv.org – Danger Assessment
researchgate.net – Examining Domestic Violence High Risk Teams: A Qualitative Assessment of This Promising Approach in Massachusetts
2.erie.gov – Erie County’s Domestic Violence High-Risk Team Receives $900,000 in Federal Funding to Continue and Expand Its Mission to Protect Survivors
dvhrt.org – Domestic Violence High Risk Team Impact
dvhrt.org – Start a Domestic Violence High Risk Team
ncadv.org – Dating Abuse and Teen Violence
<ncadv.org – Statistics
ncadv.org – Legislation
vetoviolence.cdc.gov – Dating Matters: Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention: Launch Training
teendvmonth.org – New Dating Awareness Program Might Help Reduce Dating Violence
wydaily.com – From Puppy Love to Abuse: Here’s How Local Organizations Are Taking Action Against Teen Dating Violence
teendvmonth.org – Drugs, Alcohol, and Teen Dating Violence
teens.drugabuse.gov – Love and Drugs and Violence
allianceforhope.com – Home Page
ywcagamechangers.com – YWCA GameChangers
wbir.com – YWCA ‘GameChangers’ Work to End Domestic Violence
gazettes.com – Domestic Violence Education Starts Early With Long Beach Youth Conference
nbcnews.com – Dispatch Centers Slow to Adopt ‘Lifesaving’ Text-to-911 Technology
ouc.dc.gov – Text to 911
wmcactionnews5.com – 911 Texting Feature Now Available for Shelby County Residents
Texting 911: Call If You Can — Text If You Can’t - What You Need to Know
fcc.gov – Text to 911: What you Need to Know
abc4.com – 911 Dispatchers Use Innovative Approach to Respond to Domestic Violence Calls
https://damorementalhealth.com/teen-dating-violence-awareness/
Resources provided by Sunshine Behavioral Health - https://www.sunshinebehavioralhealth.com/