8 Topics We Talk About at Our Emotional Abuse Support Groups
By Kelsey Hoff
Emotional abuse is one of the most common types of abuse, yet very few people recognize it when it’s happening. Emotional abuse is when a person uses, controls, insults, humiliates, or intimidates someone else for their personal gain. Often, there’s a power dynamic between them that the abuser takes advantage of. It happens a lot within families, and it’s one of the main components of codependent and trauma bonding relationships.
There are several reasons why emotional abuse goes undetected. First of all, it’s been normalized by our society. Abusers and our culture at large will try to convince you that it’s not really abuse or that it’s “not that bad.” The myth that emotional abuse isn’t as bad as other kinds of abuse is harmful because it invalidates the lingering feelings of guilt and pain that survivors feel. Emotional abuse is damaging in its own right, and it often paves the way for other forms of abuse. Emotional abuse tactics like gaslighting and playing the victim also go unnoticed because they're designed to make you doubt yourself and make excuses for the abuser’s behavior.
Whether it’s someone who’s been in your life for a long time or a new acquaintance, it takes skill to recognize emotional abuse tactics in the moment and resist the person’s attempts at controlling you. It’s especially difficult when your safety, your child’s safety, your finances, your property, or other important things are at stake. In our emotional abuse support groups, we talk about how to recognize tactics like weaponized guilt, the silent treatment, playing the victim, and gaslighting. We also help women through the process of recovering from emotional abuse and building a life where they can feel safe, confident, and connected.
The following are eight topics we talk about at our weekly emotional abuse support groups:
Following your gut
We live in a culture that tells women not to trust their gut instincts. If there’s one thing we’ve learned by talking to abuse survivors, it’s that those bad feelings are worth exploring. Following your gut isn’t necessarily the same thing as jumping to conclusions. It’s about honoring the voice inside you and caring for your safety by speaking up, setting boundaries, or making wise choices, without needing to explain yourself.
Dealing with triggers from childhood emotional abuse
Childhood emotional abuse lays the groundwork for triggers that can be disruptive and painful throughout adult life. Participants of emotional abuse support groups may be preparing for potential triggers at family gatherings or recovering from an unexpected trigger. Other group members may provide moral support by validating the person’s concerns, sharing similar experiences, or offering ideas on techniques they use to navigate triggers.
Setting and maintaining protective boundaries
Learning how to set healthy boundaries takes time and patience, especially if you were abused in the past. It’s not about controlling another person’s behavior. Rather, it's about taking responsibility for how you respond and doing what you can to protect your peace. It involves building trust in your relationships over time and learning to trust your judgment when a person has betrayed that trust.
Dealing with intense emotions
Emotional abuse can lead to intense emotions that are justified as well as dysregulation, which is when your emotions aren’t proportional to what happened. It’s common to feel a sense of guilt for things that weren’t your fault. In our groups, we talk about grounding and relaxation techniques to help you process intense emotions and self-regulate.
Reframing negative thoughts
Rumination, self-judgment, bargaining, and other types of negative thoughts can deplete your mental health while keeping you stuck in abusive relationships. In our emotional abuse support groups, we talk through different ways to re-frame these thoughts so you can choose a more balanced and authentic point of view.
Inner child healing and self-discovery
Once you’ve made some big strides toward healing from emotional abuse, you may enter a period of reconnecting with yourself and your inner child. A support group can help you find ways to build up your self-worth and bring some glimmers of joy into your day-to-day life.
Accepting that you can’t “fix” an emotionally abusive person
It can be hard to accept the idea that a person who’s close to you could betray you, manipulate you, or deliberately hurt you. It can also be tempting to try to save your relationship by “fixing” that person. However, it’s not your job to make someone do their own healing work. If you’re wrestling with the urge to fix someone, a support group can help you gain some perspective and recognize when it’s time to let go.
Building a strong support system
Fully healing from emotional abuse requires strong, affirming relationships. Your family, your friends, and a healing-oriented community all play different roles in helping you grow. In a support group, you might receive moral support for talking to your family about abuse or form deep connections with people who “get” you.
Try out an emotional abuse support group this week
Experiencing emotional abuse can make you feel like you’re alone. The truth is that there are many other women going through similar situations, and we’re stronger together. Stop by one of our virtual or in-person emotional abuse support groups this week. See for yourself what happens when women show up for themselves and help others along the way. You can just listen if you want, or if you feel moved to share what’s on your mind, you’re welcome to participate.
&Rise makes space for women to support each other in becoming the ultimate version of themselves. Our organization has grown from one support group in our founder’s living room to several weekly support groups that meet online and in person. Over 5,000 women took part in our support group in 2024 alone. Our groups have been so successful because participants come away feeling seen, validated, and empowered to take the next steps on their healing journeys.
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