Escaping Domestic Violence
By Lana Nycole
A lot of times we can minimize the act of escaping domestic violence to the moment you pack a bag and walk out the door, but in reality, it’s so much more than that. It’s a thousand moments that lead up to that. Small betrayals of the self that lead to doubts, sleepless nights, dreaming and planning and saving before the courage is applied in a moment of action.
It’s all the moments after, when you have to fight to keep your newfound freedom. Fight the lies you’ve been told from your abuser, fight to stay on track, fight to make it on your own and not go back when it seems easier than fighting.
Escaping domestic violence is not one moment. It’s a long, layered journey. And if you’re in it right now, even if you haven’t left yet, I want you to know that just thinking about it is part of the process. You are already beginning.
In this article, I’ll share your step-by-step guide to creating an escape plan and a list of resources to help you get to safety.
What an Escape Plan Actually Looks Like
There’s no one-size-fits-all plan. But there are important, practical steps you can start taking, even in secret and even slowly, that make a real difference. Tools like the myPlan app simplify the process of creating a safety plan.
Here are the basic steps you’ll need to take:
1. Gather important documents
Grab any documents you’ll need to access services and take care of your needs. If you can’t keep physical copies, take photos and email them to a safe, private account you can access later. To create a testimonial and legal records that can be accessed by law enforcement if something should happen to you, use the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) app.
Make copies of:
IDs (yours and your children’s, if you have them)
Birth certificates
Social Security cards
Health insurance cards
Lease or ownership papers
Protective orders, if applicable
2. Save money when and where you can
Try to save up some money to help you leave safely and take your next steps. Even small amounts help. Consider hiding cash in a tampon box, makeup container, or a trusted friend’s house. Some organizations offer emergency financial assistance like FreeFrom.org.
3. Use a safe device
If you’re researching shelters, texting friends, or planning, try to use a phone or computer your abuser doesn’t monitor. Public libraries and trusted people’s devices can be safer options. Always clear your browser history or use private (incognito) browsing.
4. Have a bag ready or a mental list
If you can keep a bag packed, hide it somewhere safe. If you can’t, think through what you’d need to grab in a rush. You might save a list of things to take with you in your safe, private account.
Pack:
A spare key
Phone charger
Medicine
Clothes for you and any children
Important documents or copies
5. Know where you’ll go
Research your options and make plans to stay somewhere safe. Consider shelters, friends, family, or hotels. If none feel safe, call a hotline or advocacy group; they can help you find confidential housing. Some shelters do not list their addresses publicly for safety.
You Are Not Alone: Resources
It’s easy to feel isolated, especially when your abuser has worked hard to separate you from friends, family, money, or even your own instincts. That isolation is part of the abuse. But there are entire networks, some quiet and some loud, designed to help you through this. &Rise is one of them: we offer free domestic violence support groups and free counseling for women trauma survivors. You don’t need to call or reach out today, but knowing these exist can help you feel a little less alone and a little more ready when the time comes.
Start here:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline — The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7. You can call 800-799-7233, chat online, or text “START” to 88788. It’s completely confidential.
Illinois Domestic Violence Hotline — Operated by The Network 24 hours a day, this hotline connects you with over 40 member organizations. Call 877-863-6338 (877-TO END DV). The Network also offers housing assistance through a Survivor Fund and other advocacy services.
WomensLaw.org — WomensLaw.org offers state-specific legal information and free support through email.
Love Is Respect — This educational site is especially helpful if you’re younger or navigating dating violence.
If you’re located in Chicago, you also have access to strong in-person support services:
Connections for Abused Women and Their Children (CAWC) — CAWC offers emergency shelter, counseling, hospital advocacy, and legal services. Call their 24-hour hotline at 773-278-4566.
WINGS Program — WINGS Program provides emergency housing and transitional support. Their 24-hour hotline is 847-221-5680.
Sarah’s Inn — Based in the western suburbs, Sarah’s Inn offers counseling, advocacy, and legal support. Call 708-386-4225.
Between Friends — Between Friends operates a 24-hour helpline: 800-603-4357. They also offer education, events, counseling, and legal assistance.
Life Span — Life span provides a range of services for survivors, including legal assistance, counseling, and immigration representation.
After You Leave: The Real Work Begins
Once you leave, you may still have to deal with stalking, harassment, or court battles. This is the part no one really talks about: the grief, fear, and doubt that come even after you’ve left. Post-separation abuse is extremely common: after separation from an abusive partner, up to 90% of women report continued harassment, stalking or abuse. It’s typically most intense for the first seven months, and it can last up to two years. It’s not easy, but this is when you get to start building something new.
You might miss them. You might even feel guilty or overwhelmed. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It means you are human. Abuse is designed to wear down your self-worth, so reclaiming it will take time. But you are not starting over from scratch. You are starting over with wisdom and truth.
And now, you get to write the rest of the story - on your own terms.
Final Thought
If you’re reading this and it resonates, if you’ve been hearing the whisper in your gut telling you something isn’t right, trust that voice. That voice is not a weakness, it is your strength returning.
Escaping domestic violence is hard, but not impossible. You don’t have to do it all at once. You don’t even have to do it alone.
There is a whole community of support waiting for you. When you are ready, &Rise is ready too, with counseling, support groups, and the resources to help you rise again, stronger than ever.
You can reach out to &Rise to get connected with Support Groups and Counseling, which are available both virtually and in-person for women in Chicago healing from trauma and rebuilding their lives.
