What if I’m Nervous To Go to a Support Group for the First Time?
By Kelsey Hoff
So many women in our community have told us that going to their first support group was so nerve-wracking that they turned around and walked away. It sounds something like this: “I’ve tried to come before — I sat down to get on the Zoom call or drove all the way here and even made it to the door — but I couldn’t step inside.” For some, it takes several tries to work up the courage to finally give it a try. We can assume that many others give up completely.
Meeting up with a group of strangers to discuss your innermost feelings takes guts. If you’ve experienced trauma and abuse, there are plenty of reasons why this may be especially challenging. Whenever we hear a story like this, most of the time, the person will quickly add, “I just wish I would have started sooner.” Or when we check in at the end of group, they might say “Oh my gosh, it wasn’t as scary as I was expecting.” Many also comment on how supportive and kind all the ladies are.
Our founder Jennifer Solarte on some of the top concerns women have about attending support groups
If you’re not convinced yet, no worries. In this article, I’ll address some of the most common concerns that hold women back from going to their first support group and give you an idea of what you can expect.
Concern #1: Will I be pressured to speak?
One of the biggest thoughts that stops women from going to support groups is “What’s going to happen when it’s my turn to speak?” Maybe you don’t know what to say, or you need some time to get acclimated, or what you’re feeling is so intense you don’t want to go there today. All of that is completely understandable. That’s why we never pressure anyone to speak before they’re ready. Sharing and responding to other group members is always totally optional.
If you’re too nervous to introduce yourself at the beginning of the session, it’s OK. No one will try to force you or make it awkward. The facilitator may ask who wants to share so she can gauge the group’s needs and plan the session. You can always say “No, thanks” or “I’m not sure.”
Concern #2: Can I bring a friend for moral support?
Yes, you can! You’re more than welcome to bring a friend with you. Just make sure they register for the support group on Eventbrite.
Concern #3: Will I be judged for what I say?
We understand that each person’s experience of their trauma is unique, and it can affect people in different ways. Women show up to our groups carrying a lot of pain, anger, sadness, exhaustion, anxiety, you name it. We know that no one is perfect, and we assume that people are generally doing the best they can. Our facilitators try to make it safe for you to express what you’re feeling while maintaining positive regard and support among group members.
Our groups aren’t about teaching lessons or forcing a specific worldview on people. They’re about holding space to sit together in the face of difficult life situations so you don’t have to go through it alone. If someone says something hostile or judgmental toward someone else in the group, the facilitator will gently redirect them. If it happens more than once, the facilitator may ask to talk with them privately or they may be asked not to come back.
Concern #4: What if the other people in group have negative reactions?
If you’ve received bad reactions when talking about your trauma or your feelings in the past, it’s understandable that you would worry about being invalidated or shut down again. It’s heartbreaking for a survivor when her family members, coworkers, or friends can’t see things from her point of view and be mindful of her emotional state. In general, our society isn’t kind to survivors. Our support group facilitators and attendees understand this all too well. That’s why we care so much about creating a place where women can speak up about their experiences and expect to be treated with dignity, compassion, and respect.
&Rise support groups will be here for you when you’re ready
If you’re dealing with a lot right now, this may be the perfect time to give one of our support groups a try. It may seem risky, but there’s a good chance you’ll come away feeling more connected and less alone. Doing one challenging thing for yourself is a huge win and a big step toward feeling more confident and empowered. Once you’ve experienced an &Rise support group for yourself, you may find that you feel more safe and comfortable than you expected.
We have support groups multiple days a week both virtual and in-person at our location on Chicago’s north side. We have a general trauma support group, and we also have groups for specific topics like narcissistic abuse, chronic illness, sexual assault, domestic violence, and setting boundaries. Whatever you’re going through, there’s a group for you. Feel free to contact us if you have any questions or concerns not mentioned here.
We hope to see you at one of our groups soon! If you’re not quite ready yet, you can subscribe to our newsletter for news about our services and upcoming events.
